what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
