So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
