My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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