He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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