yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
