Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
