The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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