love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
