someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
