do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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