At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
