it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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