thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
