The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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