Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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