Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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