Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
