we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
