Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
