If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
