giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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