Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
