Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
