Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize