Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
