I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize