Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She swung at the pinata with crutches
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
