There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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