It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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