We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
