my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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