Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
