Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
