we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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