Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
