just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
