Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
