Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
