Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
