piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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