The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
What a fucking waste of an outfit
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
