we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
