so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
