Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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