When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
