i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
