You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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