i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
