My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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