Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i need to put some appletini on your dick
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
