Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
That accounts for only three of the penises
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
