I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
