I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
