And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
