So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
this is an emotional support booty call
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize