Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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