Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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