Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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