i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
