your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
