quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We need a shit load of segways right now
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
