just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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