I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
