If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
