man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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