I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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